I made a big decision yesterday. A decision that I know is the right one. One that will put me further on the path that my heart longs for. But, truth be told, I’m terrified.
I decided to go to Sensophy’s Bali Retreat which I had applied for several weeks ago. Yesterday I got the confirmation that I was one of the 15 accepted to attend.
I’m nervous because I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never been to a foreign country — save for Canada and a little border town in Mexico. I’ve never crossed the ocean. I’ve never even flown commercially. The only time I’ve ever been in an airplane is when I went skydiving near Glacier National Park.
But the real reason that I am terrified is because of the financial aspect.
I’ve dreamed of doing something like this for years, and now that the opportunity is finally within my reach, what did I do? I tried to talk myself out of it. I was stepping back into safety instead of walking forward into growth.
I asked myself: can I afford to go? The answer was a resounding NO. But then I asked myself another question. This time I reframed it: can I afford NOT to go? The answer was an even more powerful NO. I had decided.
At the end of my life, I’m not going to reflect on how much money I saved and how secure my life was. Instead, I’m going to look back and cherish the experiences that I had, the people I related to, the life that I had created, the challenges I had overcome, the example I set. Creating a life worth living means doing things that aren’t easy.
And this isn’t easy.
The money required doesn’t even exist in my life. Yet, I have faith that it will materialize somehow. This will require a lot of resourceful thinking, hard work, and – most likely – saying goodbye to my beloved motorcycle.
And to then realize that this is only the beginning. The real work begins when I start confronting the beliefs that are governing my life. Reevaluating what is possible. Cultivating my potential. Facing my demons and taking massive action. This is what it’s all about.
Simply thinking of the event is enough to make my heart sing. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still terrified.